I’m a worry wart. I worry incessantly about everything. Even ask my poor husband and he’ll tell you that I’ve managed to actually incorporate the word “worry” into my everyday conversation, “Honey, I was worried that…” or “I didn’t think we should do that because I was worried…” This is no accident. The world we live in bombards us on a daily basis with fear and fear mongering practices. You turn on the news and you’ll hear the latest terroristic threat, a new deadly virus that’s sure to wipe out all of humanity, another financial scandal that will cause global economic fallout and the list goes on. It’s no wonder that in between those programs we get hit with a slew of ads for anti-depressant, anxiety ridding drugs. We’re a mess.
Thankfully though, as Christians, we are not of this world. We have a God, an awesome God, that stands in for us on a daily basis. A God who teaches us that fear and worry have no control over us. Psalm 55:22 tells us to “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” 1 Peter 5:7 encourages us to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
As part of my walk in Christ, I struggle with this. While I do send matters up to God in prayer, I have to confess that I never truly, totally, completely relinquish it all to Him. I still harp on worrying, wondering if God heard and, honestly, wondering is God gonna get it right. Crazy, right?! I know. Truth is is that I wouldn’t have met the man of my dreams and now my loving husband if I didn’t reach a point in my life where I had to truly, completely, 100% give my every being over to God.
When it came to finding a husband, I was one of those who had a list and I prayed on that list like you wouldn’t believe. Yep, here I was dictating to God in full and exact detail what I wanted in a mate. God must have had a good laugh at that one, but He was, like always, so patient with me. He must have smiled when he sent me some of the fools I dated; all the while knowing that I wasn’t truly ready because I hadn’t really given it up to him fully.
Well, long story short, I ended up engaged, but in my heart I knew this guy was not the one because, whenever I sought God’s approval, in God’s true fashion, he would create friction between us and we would fight like never before. The fighting got so bad that we would stop talking for weeks. Then, sadly, I would be the one to try and reconcile. What we want is not always what God has for us. Thankfully, I finally got it. God gave me what I wanted, not what I needed and what He desired for me. I had gotten what I asked for, but I hadn’t gotten what God had for me.
Sometimes we have a tendency to start moving and then ask God to intervene. Yet, Proverbs 3:5 advises us to “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” The bible says that we can’t trust ourselves, EVER. Yet, here I was taking the lead and giving God what I call “discretionary advising privileges”. I thought I could go my own way about the situation and ask Him for his approval. I really think I was scared that God would send someone who was totally not my type. So crazy considering who is better equipped to tell me what I need then my Creator?
Well, that engagement was crushing for me and I finally reached a point where I was literally balling on my knees for God’s intervention and guess what? I finally gave it to him. All of it. My exact words to God were “I can’t do this. I need you to take this over and let your will truly be done.” If you know God, you know that what God desires and wants for us is FAR beyond what we could ever imagine for ourselves. God’s expectations are so much greater and we, only we, are the ones stopping us from achieving that. If we truly left it up to Him, in spite of our circumstances or what we think we want, we will never, ever be disappointed.
I was slated to get married in April 2008, but the wedding fell through (again, for the second time). As an effort to deal with what I was going through, I joined my mom on a trip to Mexico. By this point, my engagement was a matter of appearances only. I had stopped wearing my ring and was trying to figure out how to successfully end the relationship without additional strife. Anyhow, in Mexico, I had the pleasure of talking to a young man, the only person even close to my age on the trip. He was not only tall, handsome and intelligent, but more than that, he loved God and testified to me about how God had blessed him. Strangely enough, normally I’m a shy person, but for some reason hearing this guy’s love for Christ I felt compelled to open my heart and share my story. Turns out this same guy had been previously engaged and had ended his engagement years before. Here was someone who knew what I was going through and could offer answers to some of my questions about how I was feeling. Coincidence? I think not. It was like a light bulb went off inside my head and I heard myself saying “this is what you meant God, this is the type of man you had for me”.
I was far from wanting to be in or even thinking about a relationship, but God works in mysterious ways. I left Mexico understanding what God was trying to tell me. I continued to pray for God’s guidance and wisdom. When I went home, I ended the engagement. Finally. The very next Sunday I went to church to praise God for seeing me through and God spoke back. Before opening up his sermon, the pastor launched in to this story saying that it was never too late to walk away from a wedding if it didn’t feel right. The pastor continued saying that you shouldn’t care what others think, but do what’s best for you. God has your back. Without a doubt, I knew that God was talking to me. The cancelled wedding was actually supposed to have gone forward that very Sunday. Despite ending a three year engagement, I felt such an incredible sense of peace and assurance. God had it.
Fast forward to today, that man I met in Mexico is now my husband. We’ve been together a few years now and are the proud parents of two adorable baby boys. Even when we fuss and fight, I pinch myself and smile because I know I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He’s what God wanted for me and guess what? He is a million, gazillion times better than any husband I had envisioned for myself. Don’t get me wrong we don’t have a fairytale life. Our marriage, like most, has its ups and downs. Yet, now I know to put my full faith in Christ. Even when we have our moments, I give God full and total control. I tend to spout off at the mouth sometimes. I’m a work in progress. However, I do know that our marriage has and will continue to succeed as long as we continue to give God complete and total control over our lives.
To this day, meeting my husband is probably one of my greatest testimonies to God’s power in my life. I was a believer and avid prayer, but I wasn’t truly giving it all to God. I’m thankful that I had enough insight though to ask for God’s approval because God will “tell it like it is”. When I find myself worrying now, I draw from this experience to reaffirm my knowledge that God is so amazingly able to handle not some, not part, but EVERYTHING!!! Praise God!! Take that CNN, MSNBC, Fox News!!!